Mimi Jean Pamfiloff: Mermen The Mermen Trilogy #1



E female writers try to logic away from non con sex Did you know that if your life is threatened and you choose to sleep with your captor rather than die this is considered consent WHAT THE FUCK No it s NOT That logic does not fucking logic okay That is like saying if you starve a person and then give them poisoned food which they then at full well knowing it s poisoned because starving they have committed suicideNO I reject that logic fuck you And this logic that is not is a story wide concept Logic which is stated to the MC a woman who volunteers at a woman s shelter despite not really have time to do such because she cannot turn her back on the faces and the pain of what those women and children have gone through by the man she claims face is the least beautiful thing about him And there s the vibrator skin Yes this IS a thing and the comparison is stated that actually happens within the story which seems to Best Mechanic Ever exist simply to confuse and annoy me Why is this a thing How is this a thing As strange as it would be I could almost understand this concept were the mermen actually MERMEN you know with tails and scales and stuff because when the lower half of your body is a fish it s hard to include much in the way of sexy times So I would have allowed it for sexy time s sakexcept for the pesky fact that none of the men in this book are ACTUALLY mermen So the fish to human reproduction debacle is not Dinosaur Dinners even a thing sobsI m almost done now I promise Lastly to the lovely Heather who had to deal with this sexist dreck on her birthday I give my deepest sympathiesHave an Ian kiss Mermen What IxpectedWhat I gotHow shocking that a book called Mermen was a total piece of crap Oh but not for the reasons you might think I m totally on board with a book about sexy mermen living on a mysterious island holding gladiator fights to the death to get the honor of winning a woman All that testosterone Plus you know I really like the beach But nooooooo this book had to make the mermen unsexy assholes who beat up women They didn t In His Blood even have tails or gills Plus the worst of all offenses it read like an After School Special about not polluting the oceanI m sorry but if you call a book Mermen and you have the dude with the abs on the cover you can t write somenvironmentalist propaganda book about the source of all life and protecting the planet It just doesn t fit Save the Desert Kings (Deathlands, environmental lessons for Captain Planet Let the mermen swim free in the smarmy waters of ridiculous and sexy romanceNow if you llxcuse me I m off to read the moctopus book Yes We Are Clearly Out of Our Little Minds Buddy Read YWACOoOLMBR with my MacHalo Freaks and the Power Trio aka Karly Jess and Heather Two things before I attempt to review this Piece of Crap PoC No this is not yet another case of An Officer and a Spy everybody loved it but me Eleven of us read this PoC together Want to know our average rating 109 stars Yep that s right Three of us DNFed it too Now that should tell you something The universe owes us Fearless Bunch BIG TIME Why Because thanks to our stellar reviews the blurb for this PoC wasdited to reflect the awful truth aka the fact that the mermen wannabes on display here HAVE NO FREAKING TAILS on that later So YES we are a pretty Awesome Bunch No we won t save the ocean as the author clearly wants us to but at least we might save naive ignorant readers from suffering through this as much as we did So Why is this book such a PoC The Mermen TravestyThey have no fins they have no scales they have no gills AND THEY HAVE NO FREAKING TAILS They don t Exposed (Annika Bengtzon, even frolic in the ocean for fuck s sake What the bloody hell is up with that They have lower Is than barnacles and all they do is walk around wearing loincloth type garments and being total assholes And that s not discrimination on my part I mean most of you know how partial I am to overbearing assholes But these guys here They just deserve to die And their deaths should be painful horrible agonizing and slow VERY slow You don t treat women like trash without having me go all ninja bitch on you No you don t Feminism commits suicide AgainFunny how it s almost always women writers who promote demeaning behavior towards women in their books Well it s tragic and infuriating than it is funny but you know what I mean Okay I m going to try to keep this short otherwise I m going to get into one of my feminist rants and we might still be here next month So Both the mermen loinclothed assholes and romantic hero focking douchebag king think it s perfectly normal to treat women like pieces of shit threaten them with bodily harm try to drown them use them as glorified sex objects humiliate them in front of their fellow bastardsjerksassholesSoBs choose all that apply have no respect whatsoever for their feelings despite being supposedly in total and utter love with them And that s only half of it But I m done talking about this crap so if you want the full detailed list of all the delightful things that made feminism want to commit suicide here check out Abby s review And then weep So much boredom So muchyerolling So much stupidThe premise is ridiculous which is pretty much a given since this is PNR haha The plot doesn t make any sense It s a yawning fest And it s all over the place too The Ooko execution is I have no words The heroine is so TSTL I m pretty sure she s going to make it to the Guinness Book of World Records But hey she s a sociology student Which obviously means she s super clever right Come to think of it I think I can hear her synapses buzzing from here The whole TSTL thing must be a disguise Damn that girl is smart As for the romantic hero focking douchebag king he s so utterly pathetic and such a pompous self satisfied dickhead I won tven waste my time telling you about him NO FREAKING SEXYep you read that right PNR without sex What The Hell We were reading this for science We wanted to know how mermen operate below the belt And what did we get No tails no action and NO FREAKING PEENS This is a total rip off I want my money back Wait I can t have my money back this was a freebie Damn we should have gotten paid to read this Save the focking oceanYep you read that right again This book might lack sense interest tails peens and sex but there is plenty of moralizing BS to be had here Polluting the ocean is baaaaaaaadddddd people It is our duty to protect the ocean people We have to love and respect Mother Earth people Our survival depends on it people Who wrote this A freaking Greenpeace activist It sure seems like it So you love nature huh Well how about I unleash my army of murderous crustaceans on this focking island Would that be ocean friendly Naked enough And the moral of this review is save the ocean Fuck this Save the SmutDecember 2015My Machiavelli Wannabe Friends MWF thought they could hide this from me They thought they could read this PNR chick lit please kill me somebody masterpiece behind my back What fools They might be sneaky but I m wickedly nefarious They ll never manage to get rid of me Muahahahaha and stuff. D island Only the deceivingly beautiful men who live there aren’t interested in saving her No not at all Because they somehow believe she is their property a gift from the ocean to do with as they please This is not goodHer only hope Billionaire Roen Doran of all people A man who’s said to care for nothing and no one But if he’s so heartless then why is he about to riskverything to help he.

Yes let s play a game and trick Shadow Scale (Seraphina, everyone into thinking this is about mermen It s not Well this sucked Truly sucked rotting fish guts What fucking false advertising that cover is When you see a cover like that with a half naked man decked out in rippling abs you think someone is getting lucky Books with those types of covers always have sexy times in abundance This book NO sex What is that I m not reading mermen books forducational purposes I m reading for Claim The Crown entertaining monsterotica duh So this book gets an F on all points Plot TSTL female is shipwrecked andnds up on a mysterious island with a hot billionaire CEO She s taken by Mermen other stupid shenanigans follow Insta love with the CEO All boring stuff The part supposed to thrill the mermen they re not Mermen I don t care what this book wants to call them no tails no mermen These guys are just big burly and run around in loincloths with auatic tattoos and don t have tails fins or gills Not Mermen And the mermen in uestion are all giant asshole douchebag bullies with zero brain cells not at all interesting The whole plot of the story is annoying doesn t make sense and I wanted Nerds everyone to die I kept wishing for an asteroid to wipe out thentire island and populous No survivors please I didn t care about anyone or anything in this book I m not sure how I didn t DNF this bitch but somehow I made it to the In the Shadow of the Crown (Queens of England, end I skimmed a lot I think I was so confused that I kept reading trying to figure it out I did I figured out it sucks and I should ve downed this book instead of reading itBuddy Read with the MacHalos and Ab Loving Aussies A hair raising twisty and sultry story The Rock Star of cliffhangers and thrilling rides is back with a new and uniue paranormal series featuring mermen without tails and gills Cutthroat billionaire businessman and womanizer Roen Doran is a coldhearted bastard who cares about nothing and no onexcept his shipping company So when one of his ships is lost to sea coincidentally close to the island his deceased father has just left him he immediately goes to investigate While working on her dissertation for her sociology PhD Liv Stratton is left drifting and close to dying after the ship she was on went down during a storm But a lifeline has appeared in the form of a magnificent man and a mysterious island Forced onto the island of El Coraz n Liv and Roen must learn to trust Bark each other if they hope to survive and get off this strange isle where a tribe of barbaric self proclaimed MER men only reside and its coasts are guarded by unnerving sea creatures that loosely resemble creepy mermaids Will Roen carenough for Liv to risk helping her or will he leave her to be claimed as these men s propertyThis book was gripping It had me on pins and needles and having some sort of pulmonary On Such a Full Sea embolism I loved slowly learning about this very uniue and interesting island and its inhabitants It completely transported me to another world and made my reality fade away I loved Roen His cold as ice heart turn to mush when it came to defending Liv It was heart breaking to learn about his childhood I understood how he grew up to be such a ruthless man But when I came down to protecting Livven from himself I couldn t help but fall for him I really liked Liv I loved that she was a smart woman and appreciated that she didn t let anyone push her around and didn t cower I respected her strength just as Roen did She was a perfect match for him I m the only one who s Hello, Hippo! Goodbye, Bird! ever been bravenough to care about you And in between all the Cannibal excitement Injoyed how she chiselled away the layers of ice surrounding Roen s heart and their connection became so much than two people trying to survive This thing with Roen felt intense and magnetic and well deeply carnal It was like Roen had reached inside her and touched a part of her soul she hadn t Mastered (The Enforcers, even knowxisted This is the kind of book I wanted to read in one sitting I adore Mimi s love for cliff hangers man skirts snark and the slow sensual build up between the main characters I learned a lot about this new world but not all uestions were answered and I can t wait to read the next part Mermen is book 1 in the Mermen trilogy that cannot be read as a standalone It s strongly advised to read these books in order It s written from both points of view and has a cliffhanger US Two Chapters s Pinterest board for the trilogy FROM MIMI ABOUT MERMEN Anyone who has read the Accidental Series or King knows I love to flip things on their heads Mermen is no Man, Son of Man exception THIS IS NOT A FLUFFY STORY ABOUT men with fins and tails who sweep ladies off their feet and make them long to be mermaids Uh uh This is NOT that kind of story Nobody in their right mind would want to hang out with these very beautiful yet dangerous men who don t actually have tails fins or gills by the way NOR would anyone want to be their mates Well at least not me Run Away I was given an ARC of this book courtesy of the author via NetGalley Thexcerpts are from that copy More reviews Stalk us on FaceBook As well as Twitter Pinterest Board for Book Teasers I WANT TO SET THIS BOOK ON FIREFuck this book at it s stupid fucking story and it s stupid fucking charactersFALSE ADVERTISING ALERTThe MERMEN in this book DON T EVEN HAVE TAILS HOW THE FUCK ARE THEY MERMEN THENThe dude on the cover sure as shit isn t the main character The main character has caramel colored hairThe leading lady in this is SUCH A DUMB PIECE OF SHIT I WANT TO SLAP HER ALL THE TIMETHERE IS NO SEX IN THIS BOOK 227 PAGES AND THEY DON T EVEN BANGWHAT THE FUCKING FUCKWhoever instigated this buddy read you are in troubleI would give this negative 1 million stars if I couldFuck this book It s a giant steaming pile of shit and I don t recommend it to anyone not Alter Ego even my worstnemy Buddy read with the power trio of Karly Heather THE BIRTHDAY GIRL and Jess plus those crazy peeps over at MacHalo DNF 80%Reviewexplanation to come in a few hours Mermen is book one in the Mermen Trilogy by Mimi Jean Pamfiloff I have been a fan of all things Mimi Jean for some time now So I along with so many others have been so xcited to Read a book with bad reviewsPre ReviewBuddy read with Karly Heather and the McHalo girls on January 4thBecause I cave into peer pressure like thatAlso absI had to work New Years Eve And when I was finally off after a long ass day I went to my parent s house to at pork and sauerkraut and drink a few beers and ring in the New Year My brother and sister were watching a movie This movie to be Uncommon Wisdom exactAnd I hated it My brother summed it up perfectly afterIt s a little short on story A little short on characterization Overflowing with stupidnvironmental political agendaI HATED THIS BOOK And I am trying not to write a rant review This book pisses me the fuck off And I m not getting all ranty and ragey because this book is short on story which it is or short on characterization which it is or the fact that it demoralizes women yet it is written by a fucking woman I m not going to rant because all the men are. These Mermen Don’t Have Tails They’re Deadly as Hell and They’ve Got Something He WantsINFAMOUS BACHELOR and SELF MADE BILLIONAIRE ROEN DORAN IS A BASTARD Yes he knows it And no he doesn’t care He’s got money and power and he depends on no one But when his Unseen City estranged father dies willing him a secret island Roen will come face to face with anven bigger secret its occupants And these sava.

Hugely attractive Adonis cloned fucking ASSHATS or that the MC is a one sided insta lovestruck freaking IDIOT I m not going to rant because a book Art entitled Mermen DOES NOT HAVE MERMEN IN IT or that said book has a half naked man on the cover BUT THERE IS NO SEX IN THIS BOOKI AM GOING TO RANT BECAUSE THE WHOLE FUCKING BOOK WAS WRITTEN IN ORDER TO SEND THE MESSAGE THAT WE MUST SAVE THE FUCKING OCEANI absolutely hate it when authors use novels as a way to inject their own personal beliefs political agendas and views upon their readers It is manipulative and it is tacky It s the reason that This beloved and bestselling trilogy will never be read by yours truly And whether or not I believe the same things is irrelevant Do I hate oil spills Yes Do I think we should take better care of our natural resources Yes Do I think that we humans have become careless when it comes to the upkeep of the planet Yes But I do not want to read a novel spreading this message with the sheer gossamer mask of fiction on top of itSo instead writing a proper review this review is going to be be filled with uotes from the first book I ve read in 2016 and I m going out on a limb here but I m going to say that it will be THE WORST BOOK I WILL READ IN 2o16 AS WELL Because at least you will all getnjoyment out of a uoty and gify review Here goes Water I need water she thought once again feeling herself drift out of consciousness the room beginning to fade to black She knew she only had minutes left if she wanted to live page 18 Look She grabbed his arm sueezing hard and shocked as hell by what she found A rock solid forearm without an ounce of suishiness page 33 Every time he looked at her he became convinced that she might actually be the most stunning woman he d God Is in the Crowd ever seen which frankly said a hell of a lot page 42 I think she said that you are possibly the most misjudged man I vever met He laughed Really now Why s that Because your face is the least beautiful thing about you page 49 I should probably mention that this character she s referring to is basically the Greek God Attracting Songbirds to Your Backyard euivalent of Tucker Max Liv held up her hands as the blond approached her Sonofabitch you fucking touch me she growled and I swear I ll kill you Yeah that was a prettympty threat given she didn t possess a really really big army or The Matriarchs (The Family elephant tranuilizers page 59 He ran his strong hand through his short caramel brown hair and glanced at his bare feet Yes they were really really nice feet But this was not the time to be drooling over him despite the fact thatvery inch of him appeared to be perfect page 95 I can t have you around a pack of crazy arses who think they re part fish I can t risk anyone hurting you page 121 You look like men to me she said We are men Mer Men page 138 He really had drunk the mer Kool Aid which scared the hell out of herpage 147 Roen s short thick caramel brown hair was combed neatly back and he was displaying a charming smile with a little dimple puckering in Notes for the Everlost each cheek Why hadn t shever noticed them He is so damned beautiful Liv s heart began to free fall How would she When I Moan (Vassi and Seri 1: Russian Stepbrother Romance) ever get over him page 214 VAMPIRE MERMAIDS can tven save this steaming pile of horse dung from literary purgatoryNeither can Captain PlanetNor his stupid PlaneteersNope Only Jeff Goldblum can accurately describe itAnd for the record none of my friends liked this No Biggy! either Check out Sarah s Sh3lly s Karly s Jilly s Dino Jess s Heather s Kate s or Casey s reviews if you think I m lying This is the review for the whole series three books 45 stars for this whole Mermen series I love this series and want many people to know and read itspecially all Paranormal Romance Lovers Wonder what supernatual kind you gonna meet Haha I can tell they are Mermen They don t have tails and scales but they are so barbaric and HOT Mermen they are hot supernatural men live on a mysterious island You can call this bitch island El Coraz n the centre of the ocean This bitch is so cruel I Crush It! even wanna drag her to the deepest of the ocean if I can And what I gonna tell you Seriosuly this series is full of shirtless dudes almost the whole story Le sigh The plot is also very well planned It has mysteries which will make you curious to know I also love the world building I have never read the plot like this seriously The Alive island The Mermen and that Holy water The Mermaids here are so monstous and scary too I just love it The island always want only the Doran they are fiercest strongest and smartest to be the leader of the Mermen The Plot A billionaire Roen Doran got the letter from his dead father the letter about an island that Roen has to visit and claim it as his own He has to rule this island and discover the real identity of him There he unintentionally met an smart mouth normal girl Liv because her ship wreck there so these two have to stick withach other on this mysterious island And that is when the story beginRoen is so rude but I coun t help loving him since the first time he open his damn mouth talking to his friend lol I so much Attracting Birds to Your Backyard enjoy his rude words and personalities Nahh he is Merman the barbarism runs in his blood He might be this way but he is also very protective strong and leadership Yeah just read it and meet him 3 Thank you for being the only womanver brave Deep Listening enough to love me Roen Liv is such a strong and smart heroine I love Liv and I kept reading the story She is so brave and selfless How she fight for helping Roen Mermen and Mermaid touch my heart Liv is also good and reading people I love that she can read through Roen s mesmerizing greenyes and see the real him If Roen is a King of the Mermen Liv would be his Perfect ueen Yes they are so perfect for Bird-by-Bird Gardening each other 3THE MATE MERMEN HAVE MATEYesss Mermen have their mate I seriously love when Mermen claim their mate Theyven have the ritual geeezzz I love when they fight The Works of Saint Augustine each other for being the one who claim that lady who they want to be his mate Want them to fight for me too Hahahaha Wow they are so protective over their mate like she isverything to him Like Liv is Unbuttoning the CEO (The Suits Undone everything to Roen and vice versa Their romance fromnemies to star crossed lover is really My Teacher Is a Robot enjoynable Iven cry for them thoughIf you want to know about this Mermen world read it I highly recommend WARNING RANTING AHEADHow the hell am I supposed to resist this Trick uestion I m notBuddy read with my fellow scientific lovie Heather and also The Harbinger of Blood soaked rainbows Jess as well the MacHalo freaksThis insanity is coming to and likely ALL OVER a goodreads near you January 4 2016 This fucking book guys My teeth gnash and my brain screams ATTHISFUCKINGBOOK This book was atrocious Not only is it a staggeringly awful Supper Club example of false advertisement which many of my buddy readers have already touched on butven the story which contrary to the impressions the cover gives is about as sexy as MUD that is present is riddled with plot holes sexism and populated with characters that are poorly developed and moronic I don t know if I will EVER get used to how som. Ge sea obsessed warriors are uick to make their position clear Leave now or dieThere’s only one problem Nobody tells Roen what to do Ever Oh and one other thing He’s just met the island’s other new “guest” and something about her brings out his possessive sideSOLE SHIPWRECK SURVIVOR LIV STRATTON had been adrift at sea for ten grueling days when salvation miraculously appeared an uncharte.

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