J.A. Kazimer: Curses A Fed Up Fairytale



Asia is to coin the phrase from Shrek like an nion she has many layers and not all Gardening with Shape, Line and Texture: A Plant Design Sourcebook of them make her come up smelling like roses Her curse makes her gain an unnatural amountf weight if she eats within the borders f her home kingdom How can anyone love her when she has the potential to crush them under her massive girth Is there no man ut there that can see past all the bulbous fat to find the beauty hidden within But perhaps the whole damsel in distress act that she gives RJ is not the real her either Maybe she is not all sugar and spice and everything nice after all Will RJ and Asia find their Happily Ever After when each Livin' de Life one has something to hideLotsf The Amazing Dreams of Andrew Latter other things happen while RJ is in the Kingdomf Maldetto When several local villains turn up murdered RJ becomes the authorities number Culture is the Body: The Theatre Writings of Tadashi Suzuki one suspect Not that he would be above such things normally but it is not possible in his current impotent state Yet how can a known villain prove his innocence while still maintaining his evil status And why is Prince Charming marryingne Cognitive Science: An Introduction to the Study of Mind of the King s daughters when it is clear to everyone else that he s gay How can RJ helput the The Legend of Joaquin Murrieta other step sister Dru find a princef her wn when she has clearly been beaten with the ugly stick Most importantly to RJ why is it that no villain has claimed the murder f Cinderella Shouldn t they be boasting about it If a villain is not responsible who had the motive to ff the seemingly beloved Cinderella mere weeks before her weddingThe whole book riffs ff f countless You can tell by the title this isn t your average fairy tale Curses tells the twisted tale f RJ a disgraced villain forced into doing good when the villain s union puts him n leave He s a bad boy who can t say no especially to Asia the not so ugly stepsister to CinderellaCinderella s been whacked by a devious bluebird and the crosstown Fairy Second Street bus Asia wants to know whodunit and RJ might want to help her even if he wasn t cursed The redhead s lips curved into a frown which nly added to her beauty She looked like sin the dirty kind with plenty Dicmatized 2: Bitter Sweet Revenge of sweat and salivaThus begins ance upon a time unlike any Martian Science Fiction: Scifi Novellas Set on Mars other More raunchy than Shrek and just as clever Has the Amongther things this book is aptly titled because let s face it and get this ut f the way right now this isn t your mother s fairy tale Is that a bad thing Hell no Sure the antics are a bit Saving Charmaine: A Heaton Family Friends Series Book outrageous at times butne definition f good comedy is that it resides in the extremes and there are plenty f extremes to be had I could give you a play by play but you should enjoy it for yourself the first time without me spoiling most f the fun for you And there is fun to be had if like the characters you let yourself go for a bit r as long as it takes you to go from Once upon a time to The EndHaving met the author at the 2012 Left Coast Crime Conference I was a little hesitant to read this book The Deadline on my Kindle even though I purchased it fromn May 1 2012 What if I didn t like CURSES r I developed a different impression f the author after having read her novel Those concerns seem rather trivial now after having read and thoroughly enjoyed this twist Ready to Restore: The Layman's Guide to Christian Counseling on Cinderella with the forced to be nice villain RJ With evilly attractive stepsisters a serial killer in the red hoodne dead Dumpty and an Ready to Restore overpowering Miss Muffet there s something for everyoneJA Kazimer proves she knows her fairy tales and she s not afraid to jerk them around for herwn twisted amusement If you love alternate reality fairy tales you ll want to run not walk to your local bookstore r your favorite nline venue and grab your copy today The book was not NEARLY as entertaining as the description made it sound I went into it expecting a humorous book that would make me laugh Shieldmaiden Book 1: Quest for the Jewel out loud with references and satire Instead I had a couplef ha cute moments and that was about it The story itself was an interesting take Traficada: Diário de uma Escrava Sexual (Portuguese Edition) on the twisted fairy tale emphasisn the twisted It is told from the viewpoint Encounter at Buff Ledge: A UFO Case History of RJ a fairy tale villain who has had his villain privileges revoked RJ is cursed tonly do nice things because the Villain Union deemed him unfit to be bad The real reason for this punishment is never clearly explained Carte touristique : Corse Sud : Ajaccio - Bonifacio only hinted at through vague references In the midstf this fate he meets Asia Regarde, c'est maman ! onef Cinderellas step sisters who asks for his help in finding Cinderella s murderer He agrees but The Bricklayer only because his nice curse compels him to What follows is a murder mystery that bumps and jerks along in a weird sortf flow RJ is repeatedly assaulted has numerous black uts and keeps waking up in strange places with different people lying near hi. Rince Charming Kazimer is suarely n the side Vinny: Victory Over Drugs, Death, and Degradation of Cinderella’s stepsisters so he downplays their traditional ugliness Asia is slightlyverweight and Dru sports a unibrow The vibe is like a cross between The Addams Family and Grimm with a little Rocky and Bullwinkle thrown in as various people cartoonishl.

Soodespite my prolonged absence from GR I m not dead And to celebrate that fact this is my first review in awhile I wish it could have been a slightly positive review but The Occult Detector (The Semi Dual Stories Book 1) one takes the cardsne s been dealt I guessI picked this book because I m a big fan f authors Jasper Fforde and at times Christopher Moore I include them in the same list because their books tend to have very irreverent attitudes yet somehow manage to wallop you with actual plot and character developments at the end and I d hoped that Kazimer might be a fledgling version f Fforde Pioneer Jews: A New Life in the Far West or Moore Unfortunatelyno not really First a good thing the humor in this big is present in a big way For the first thirdf the book I found myself laughing Eating Thin for Life: Food Secrets Recipes from People Who Have Lost Weight Kept It Off out loud Our protagonist RJ wasnce an evil villain but has since been removed from the villainous union and is cursed to be nice until he can get his life back n track Asia is his love interest who naturally is the smoking hot ugly step sister f Cinderella Was her killer lurking somewhere I smiled at the thought remembering the joy We, the People of lurking Ah the goodld villainous daysThe problem though is that the same Single old jokes keep getting repeated RJ is emasculated Asia is kindf evil but RJ thinks it s hot Pamela Hans Christian Anderson yadda yadda yadda About halfway through I stopped laughing ut loud and started waiting for the plot to start up And that s the kicker about this book unlike Fforde r even Moore the humor is the main event The plot s certainly not going to keep you there since it s basically a series f events tied very loosely together that don t make a lot f sense And God knows the characters aren t enough to keep you invested since they re all about as deep as a drinking fountain This is definitely not a book for people who are easily ffended by cheap jokes r lazy writing since it has both I like to think I went into this book with a fairly pen mind after all it s clearly labeled as Fked Up Fairytales but this book s portrayal f women set my teeth Showa, 1939-1944: A History of Japan on edge a couplef times The reader is constantly reminded that Asia is fat but RJ still finds her hot How selfless The Book Of The Superiority Of Dogs Over Many Of Those Who Wear Clothes of him Atne point we re told Asia weighs 150 lbs Apparently it s a miracle I m able to get ut f bed in the morning since I think I weigh than that Asia is probably the closest thing to a positive female role model the book s got but considering that she s constantly agonizing Rescuing a Werewolf over her weight for the entire book I m using the term looselyBasically to sum things up this book can be good for a distraction but not unlike the sun if you look at it too long your head will explode Or something Review Courtesyf Dark Faerie Talesuick Dirty A raunchy mix Making Women Pay of childhood fairy tales with very adult language and contentOpening Sentence A delivery kid stood in frontf me in the pastel hallway GloomCookie of my four story walk upn the edge f the Easter VillageThe ReviewFinally a book that lives up to its title Fed up doesn t even begin to adeuately describe all f the high jinks in this book The Jesuit of fairy tale fallacies It turns all the things we think we know aboutur beloved fairy tale characters and puts them With Bound Hands on their heads I don t think that I have laughed this hard reading a book in a whileRJ and you can guess his real name is in a funk The Villain Union has put himn mandatory health leave and cursed him to do shutter Rim of the Pit only good things What anutrage So when the not so ugly step sister You Can Beat the Odds of Cinderella Asia comes to him for help in solving her step sister s murder he does Damn union This plunges him head first into a fed up case fullf curses crisis s and catastrophes that make him want to cry wee wee wee all the way homeRJ is a wonderfully devious character He lies cheats and steals his way through life So now that he is cursed to do nice things what has he got to live for One very sexy step sister for starters Asia is hot and needs his help Well she needs the help f the famous Inspector Holmes f Fairy Yard maybe she should have asked RJ for ID before making any assumptions about his identity Normally RJ would Stripes of All Types only help himself into her pants but this time he is compelled to follow her home to the Kingdomf Maldetto in search f Cinderella s killer Damn that union curse RJ uses his knowledge f villainous tactics to piece together the clues that point him in the right direction After falling hip first in love with Princess Asia RJ swears to help her with her curse as well Will the man never learn to shut his mouth already At this rate all the ther villains are going to call him names and then not let him play in any f their villain games Maybe Asia can help him pass the time insteadPrincess. Rumpelstiltskin Baltimore Catechism No. 2 or RJ as he prefers to be called has been kickedut Mic manual de campanie electorală of the Villain’s Guild and cursed to do good deeds Bored without his villainous routine he agrees to help Anastasia Maledotto findut who murdered her stepsister Cinderella and rescue her sister Drusilla from a disastrous marriage to

M The writing is very circular taking the same themes and re running them The Big Book of Maker Skills: Tools Techniques for Building Great Tech Projects over andver The word villain is used about 100 times too many Villain Union Villain Code Villainous clothes Villainous impotence Yes we get it he s a bad guy forced to be the hero Wonderful now move n The ne good thing about the story was that it did keep me guessing I like the murder mystery type story because I like to be challenged to figure One Life, One Incarnation: Beautiful Bones out the who done it And this story challenged that for me I went back and forth between suspects right along with RJ never really having an clear ideaf the culprit However part Just Joking of me wonders if that is because the Author didn t know who the real villain was until the end either You guysthe titlef this bookI can t I freaking love it This fed up fairy tale follows RJ a top villian currently cursed with being nice So when a beautiful damsel in distress asks for help solving her sister s murder RJ has no choice but to put his villainous ways behind him and help the princess ut RJ can you guess which Disney villian he is ur protagonist was pretty wonderful Bemoaning his lack Times of Trouble (A Time Travel Anthology) of villainous ability he fights the titlef hero until the very end His adoration BENAAMI of Asiaur heroine was my favorite It s lust at first sight for RJ and many hilarious and adorable and weird encounters follow Asia herself was a bit f a mystery I liked her but I didn t feel like I knew her well Anything I want to say about her involves spoilers somoving nThe mystery is the central focus and the part that dissapoints me a bit It had a great flow leaving you hints here doubts there I was all ready to be shocked in the end by this therwise utrageous novel But then it rather justfizzled Over 200 pages The Real Bluebeard: The Life of Gilles de Rais of mystery and we get this short little scene about what happened and why It just didn t feel complete and wasn t a deservingr conclusive end to this bizarre and hilarious novel Now with that said I m talking about the main mystery Not thetwist which I so wasn t expecting So that cheered me up a bitSo I enjoyed the hell ut f this novel verall I ve been sick and in a funk and I just needed something silly and well written and light and goofy and THIS WAS IT There were f course things I didn t 100% love but I mean come Night Train To Cherbourg: A Joszef Kiraly: Gentleman, Vampire Mystery onthe title tells you like it isit s a fed up fairy tale This is not your typical fairy tale Oh but it is hilarious When RJ thought he ate Asia I couldn t stop laughing If you want a funny spinn a fairy tale you ll enjoy this book Disclaimer I begged Julie for an advance copy which she sent to me It s pumpkin Disowned orangeOkay thinkf the books that you uote Not books Comptia Security+ Sy0-301 Exam Cram of literature but thenes where you grab nearby passers by and say Wait wait listen to this and then read something sly and witty and look at them expectantly Now because these people are most likely thinking about a getting away from you Marco Polo: A Photographer's Journey or b sex they re usually not impressed Howevernce in a rare while you run into someone who CAN UOTE THE NEXT LINE It s like heaven This is that kind The Cosmic Internet: Explanations from the Other Side of book Peeling the cookiepen I licked my lips in anticipation Marketing Aesthetics of its sugary goodness and informative if not valuable summationf my future The cookie readTHE DELIVERY KID LICKED YOUR EGG ROLLHAVE A NICE DAYDamn Foiled again by a teen with metal in his head than Snow White had sugar midgetsHi Ho Hi HoOff to scrub delivery kid spit ut f my mouth I goI ll do up to Have a Nice Day and you ll do the rest HeavenUrban fantasy murder mystery written by a chick with a degree in forensic psychology and who has worked as a private investigator and who possesses a wicked eye that tends to favor a bit f villainy now and then How could you go wrong This is so crazy and funny You can t help but love the uniue take n fairy tales with a naughty side How many times can an author write the word villian before it becomes an annoying noise How many times can a main character black Oddly Normal out before we should start worrying about brain damageJA Kazimer tried so very hard to be witty and raunchy but I found myself rolling my eyes any time RJ and Asia were alone The sexy scenes read like cheap Janet Evanovich and I actually like her Stephanie Plum series Make no mistake the story is pretty decent but I give thisnly American Studio Ceramics: Innovation and Identity, 1940 to 1979 one star because partsf it were SO BAD If I were a freshman in high school maybe I d be appreciative McNally's Risk of Kazimer s colorful metaphors and awkward descriptions but as a 23 yearld they seem tacky and juvenile in a way If you re looking for a laugh and a light read sure Kazimer s Curses will do I d take Christopher Moore Slaves of New York or yes even Janet Evanovichver this gem any day There are better laughs and better sex elsewhere. Y try to kill their spouses and RJ is drawn to Asia’s violent nature Juvenile glee drips from the twee and faux shocking allusions to sex toys foot fetishes and transsexuality and the gratuitous pop culture references are already somewhat dated leaving this clumsy romp notably lacking in redeeming featur.

BOOK FREE Curses A Fed Up Fairytale by J.A. Kazimer – cafe1919.org

Free read Curses A Fed Up Fairytale

JA Julie Kazimer lives in Denver CO When she isn't looking for a place to hide the bodies she spends her time with a pup named Killer Other hobbies include murdering houseplants and avoiding housework She spent a few years as a bartender and then wasted another few years stalking people while working as a private investigator before transitioning to the moniker of WRITER and penning over