Mary Susan Miller: No Visible Wounds: Identifying Non-Physical Abuse of Women by Their Men



So many books about domestic abuse focus on the physical This is a valuable esource for those dealing with patientsclients who are in controlling and abusive elationships that the victim may not even ecognize as abusive involving emotional or economic abuse such as blaming name calling devaluing the victim s opinions andor skills isolation from friendsfamily secrecy e incomefinancesthreats that the victim will be left penniless or the children will be taken away etc This book proved to be very precise in identifying the Non physical aspects of abuse that are a critical part of domestic violence In being able to identify the abuser s classic tactics knowing the signs of emotional verbal financial and other methods they use to control their victims this book leads the way to being able to end the cycleMary Susan Miller provides every eader a better understanding for themselves or on behalf of others the most clear epresentation of abuse and what you need to know to identify non physical abuse Abuse is difficult to see unless you know what you e looking for Miller makes it plain in No Visible Wounds She outlines the characteristics of nonphysical abuse and the characteristics of abusers Just so we e clear they e not just poor men frustrated by life Abusers are people with a need for power dominance and control The book is about men who abuse women but the characteristics apply to women who abuse their children And yes abused people generally become abusers She writes from her court experiences about women s frustrations with the law The only way I could bear to turn the pages is by choosing to believe a lot has changed in 20 years She astutely notes that abuse is not about a loss of control but about a conscious desire to control by the best means available The characteristics of emotional psychological social and economic abuse are defined as humiliation gas lighting isolation and destitution espectively Arguments about abusers being unintelligent men are slayed here with her anecdotal evidence of predators seeking out the best strategies to undermine their prey She writes of why women stay and why so many anti battering programs fail It s eally a comprehensive easy to digest primer on abuse There s little to nothing about diversity here but it s still the place I would ecommend one start if she is unfamiliar with abuse The plet. DOES YOUR PARTNER have sudden outbursts of anger or age become jealous without eason prevent you from seeing friends and family deny you access to family assets such as bank accounts credit cards or the car control all finances and force you to account for what you spend insult you or call you derogatory names humiliate you in front of your children turn minor incidents into major argumentsIf you or someone you know can answer yes to the uestions above chances are you are suffering from nonphysical battering controlling ty.

R doing so It eally focuses on acknowledging the abuse because believing you ve been abused is very hard for victimsI appreicate the tone of this book and its hard stance on NOT blaming the victim Sure it can be easy to say that someone was asking for it or they should just get out of a hurtful situation but until you ve been there you can t know how hard it actually is And non physical abuse is very clever It erodes your self esteem and makes you feel as if what is happening is normal and that you deserve the abuse You may not even ealize you e abused until someone tells you this is what happened to me You may know something is wrong but you don t ealize its as serious as you think as all couples fight The difference is in the way people fight Some of it is not natural This book helps identify if you are possibly with an abuser It gives 9 guidelines and even answering yes to one of these means you could be in an abusive elationshipSome of the other books I ve ead focus on trying to fix an abusive elationship Which is not helpful at all This book doesn t do that This is an educational and informational book with no other purpose than to educate I d say that of everything I ve ead this book and Lundy Bancroft s Why Does He Do That have been the best on the subject They offer ways of coping and validation for what a victim has experienced It doesn t expect the victim to fix the abuser and give false hope or expectations And while this book doesn t sugar coat things its not ough to ead either It won t make you feel bad if you haven t emoved yourself from an abusive situation My only complaint is that it eally only focuses on full blown abusive situations It doesn t eally offer as much help for those people who left while the abuse was still light if abuse can ever be called such a thing or who left just as the abuse was beginning It can make it hard to elate to at timesThis book will be staying in my library Its a valuable esource and a good book to turn to for validationNo Visible WoundsCopyright 1995298 pagesReview by M Reynard 2012More of my eviews can be found at wwwifithaswordsblogspotcom Excellent information and iveting stories Very informative psychology based useful tool I would have every woman that doesn t understand that there is than physical abuse and the psychological damage is permanent and in most cases worse. Ps Their experiences with law enforcement the legal system and the community itself can help prepare any woman for the decision of whether to stay or leave the elationship And if she decides to go Dr Miller offers sound guidelines on how to protect herself and her children since a woman's decision to leave is usually the time she is in the most danger from her abuserFinally Dr Miller inspires hope You can break free of the nightmare of nonphysical battering and heal once again engaging in a life of integrity dignity and pea.

Mary Susan Miller ☆ 9 Review

online ebook No Visible Wounds: Identifying Non–Physical Abuse of Women by Their Men – cafe1919.org

Hora of pop culture eferences are obviously dated I can t ecall when Sally Jessy Raphael was so freuently okay ever used as a source and despite uite a few odd comparisons to the animal kingdom I would encourage any woman who uestions whether she is or has been abused to crack this book and immerse herself in its stories All of her uestions will most certainly be answered I am not sure what I expected with this book but this was not it I guess I was hoping on ways to move past the emotional abuse I went through Decent book though in describing what non physical abuse is and how it is so often overlooked Since leaving my last elationship a few months ago I ve struggled with what has happened and as such have ead and keep eading several books covering the topic of emotionalverbal abuse This book attracted me because it is just that no visible wounds meaning that it does not incorporate physical abuse and therefore doesn t seem to make all other forms of abuse as trivial not saying other books do this but as a victim it sometimes makes me feel invalidated when they go into the physical and focus on thatAbuse always grows worse The abuser that hits may one day kill The abuser that starts with only criticizing may evolve into screaming obscenities and insults Or maybe neither maybe it will just be a steady erosion of bringing down the partner s self esteem This book explores that notion and how non physical abuse is just as serious and as damaging as physical abuse It starts with clarifying just what non physical abuse is and the different signs and symptoms of it Then it goes into the signs of it or how it happens Why it can happen Part three covers how others eact to non physical abuse Often it is invalidated and a common misconception is that if they aren t beating you its not abuse Or that the woman could just leave if she were being abused which is one of the hardest things and near impossible to do as a esult of non physical abuse The last part covers on whether or not abuse can be stopped Almost every book I ve ead states that it is very unlikely that an abuser will ever change or even ecognize what they are doing is abuse But there is a small percentage that will but it is very very minuscule More often making abuse stop lies in the victims end to emove themselves in all ways possible and this book offers some helpful hints fo. Rannical behavior that is just as damaging to a woman's self esteem as a broken bone or a black eye An experienced counselor who works with abused women Mary Susan Miller breaks the silence that surrounds this devastating form of domestic violence She identifies the many types of nonphysical abuse verbal emotional psychological social and economic and explores why this outrageous treatment of women continues unabated in our society Dr Miller also shares the stories of many survivors who have escaped their abusive elationshi.